Labyrinths, Beauty, New Birth
As I stood before the spiral labyrinth, it occurred to me that the last two times I had walked this same labyrinth, I was pregnant - once with Isaiah, and once with Winston.
I arrived early, before the retreat, as I wanted to walk the grounds again in a place I had come to love so much. The Hermitage Retreat Center was where I spent my retreat days in ministry; I had always heard the Spirit speaking and confirming my call on this sacred ground.
On this particular day in early October 2019, as I approached the narrow winding path through the grass, I sensed the spirit say, “You are pregnant again.”
I knew it in my body as I took those first, slow steps into the labyrinth:
The timidness.
The hesitation to move forward.
The vulnerability accompanied by the first few moments of panic, shock, and wonder reeling around in my stomach and making me walk more gingerly.
I had the profound sense that something was shifting in me. A shift in my soul and my body that I would never return from. And I was frightened like Mary at the Annunciation.
Just days before, I had written this prayer in my journal:
“It feels like You’re on the verge of unleashing something new in me - a new dream, a hope, a wonder; a desire to grow and expand to share with the world what You create through me. Help me to stay attentive to this, Lord, and to explore with You the gifts you long to bring incarnationally through my voice.”
I was indeed pregnant…
Pregnant with possibility.
Pregnant with the Spirit of God weaving something new in me.
And while I was frightened, I also felt the loving protection of the Father who reassured me, “as I am in you, you are in me.”
There I was, in the womb of God, protected and safe. But I had no idea just how much those first few steps into the labyrinth would catapult me into a season of new birth. My true self would incubate in the womb of God until she was strong enough to be born into the world.
With each of the three spirals of the labyrinth, I meditated on the three terms of pregnancy. God began speaking to me about what He wanted to do in each stage - which creative work he wanted me to take on next, how He wanted me to germinate within him in the process, etc.
I knew this journey of unfolding in God had something to do with beauty. I was, after all, just about to attend a retreat called Beauty & the Formation of the Soul led by Curt Thompson, MD (more on that in the next post).
But it was more than just the knowledge of beauty that God wanted to teach me. He wanted to show me; show me through deeply embodied experiences of what beauty can do to heal, transform, and awaken us in his presence.
Receiving Beauty’s Embrace
As I spent time on the grounds throughout the retreat, everywhere I went became a thin space. The curtains of heaven seemed to open with the glow of the setting sun. The tall waving grasses transformed into an undulating ocean of gold. Every blade of grass became illuminated with the weight of glory.
I walked every labyrinth on the grounds (the one above is a traditional “Chartres” Labyrinth, patterned after the Chartres Cathedral.) At every turn, I gasped aloud as another wave of God’s presence washed over me. I kept my hand pressed to my chest to steady myself. Everything around me was pregnant with the infinite and I could sense it.
I could hear him with the chorus fall leaves rustling. They burst into persimmon and crimson flame on the edges of the labyrinth. His nearness was so thick and heavy, I found it hard to take a step.
That evening, as we ate our silent meal, I chewed more slowly. I savored our silent dinner in ways I never had: the lentils in the stew, the warm crisp of the freshly baked bread, the tartness of the freshly picked apples. I kept my eyes closed to soak in the beauty unfolding in my mouth.
It was as though God wanted me to deeply embody the message He was speaking during the retreat: In the presence of beauty, we experience the consummation; union with God. And it is out of the consummation that new creation is born.
It became clear that the most valuable contribution I offer the world is the beauty of intimacy with God. It is out loving union with God that my creative work is expressed. And when others experience it, they too experience the consummation in ways that create new life within them also.
Since this retreat, I have been a beauty chaser. I have studied the impact she has on the soul and I have experienced healing in her embrace. And I invite you to join me in the chase.
Becoming a Beauty Chaser
This month, I am sharing the best insights I have discovered about beauty, and I will intentionally place myself on the path of oncoming beauty. Will you join me?
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Join me on a beauty hunt on instagram. Tag @bette_dickinson with a picture of where you are encountering beauty.
Chase beauty and become mindful of her presence through walking a labyrinth yourself. Locate a labyrinth near you using this labyrinth locator!
Three generations (my Dad, husband, and son) walking a labyrinth in Ellsworth, Michigan.
